To work, of course.  However, by the time they hit the workplace, their tactics have become more refined and sneakier.  They’ve learned to turn a blatant insult into a backhanded compliment, to use sarcasm to make their point, and to use the rumor mill to cast doubt on a person’s character and performance.

Sometimes bullies are bosses, but in my experience most bullies are peers or those just a little ahead in the company pecking order.  They lack confidence in their own abilities and spend their time looking over their shoulders at perceived competitors.  Through “harmless” ribbing, undercutting colleagues in meetings, sabotaging work or taking credit for the efforts of others, they’re trying to position themselves as superior.

For a long time I was naive and people-pleasing enough to think that I had caused a certain bully to have it in for me.  I must have done something to warrant this treatment.  In fact, I had — I excelled at my work, was well-liked, and trusted by the supervisor, which threatened this individual.  Thanks to some good advice, I chose to continue to do what I was doing and was nice as could be to the bully.  Eventually, the bully and the company came to a mutual parting of the ways.

Sometimes a bullying situation can get out of hand, and then it’s time to bring in the supervisor.  But I’ve come to believe that when you think someone’s out to get you, it’s often a sign that your performance is so good it scares them. Don’t let them scare you; carry on with integrity and confidence.

When Nina got hired by Starbucks in her senior year of high school, she knew the job was a stop along the way to a career in something else.  But after six months she so impressed her manager that she was offered a promotion to shift supervisor, which she declined because she felt she was too young.  She took the promotion a few months later when she became a freshman in college and, after working there throughout college, was offered her own store to manage.

How did a college kid make such a huge impact on her employers? She “took every opportunity I could to do something positive in the workplace” from setting up displays to learning to do the scheduling to managing the inventory to starting a recycling program for milk jugs and other plastic.

Her customer service also played a key role in impressing her manager, as well as customers. “I treated customers like they were my friends,” says Nina.  She not only learned their names, but she knew what time they would be in and what cars they drove so as soon as she spotted them in the parking lot she could make their drinks and have them waiting at the counter when they walked in.

By the time she was a junior in college and starting to think about a career in medical sales, she realized that her Starbucks job was “the best networking tool I could have had.”  By getting to know her customers beyond “how may I help you,” by gaining their trust through her reliability and attention to detail, and by showing initative, she connected with hundreds of people in a position to help her achieve larger goals.

Which is exactly what happened.  She landed an internship at Anheuser-Busch and a full-time job working for a start-up company in the medical field.  Nina was savvy enough to “see the broader picture of where you are” and to understand that if you make the most of your current situation it can lead to even greater opportunities.

Most of us have either left an angry message and later regretted it; caught ourselves starting to leave a message, then deleted it and recorded a calmer version; or sent a scathing email.  What’s really bad is when you send the email to the wrong person or when you didn’t mean to hit “Reply All”.  In any case, voice mails and emails ALWAYS have the potential to live much longer than you ever intended or expected and to be shared with people you never intended or expected.

Here are a few simple — even obvious — tips for avoiding damaging your personal reputation.  What’s not always easy is remembering to apply them when you are angry or upset:

1. 1. Never respond in the heat of anger.  Give yourself hours or even days to calm down if you have the luxury. Sometimes you’ll find that the situation isn’t worth being angry about or you’ll receive new information that can change your perspective.
   2. When calm, type or record a draft response and save it.  Look or listen to it later and see if it’s appropriate and has the right tone.
   3. If you are not sure, share it with a trusted colleague.  I have found that what I think may sound firm can sound aggressive or threatening to someone else.
   4. Think about whether a face-to-face conversation would be a better way to resolve the situation.  Emails and voice mails do not offer the personal impact of a real conversation, which can often leave people on better terms because you make eye contact, smile, shake hands, etc.
   5. Always remember the adage, “Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean.”

What hit me the hardest was evidence of the human belief in a power greater than ourselves, no matter what religion.  I was sitting in Basilica San Clemente, a 12th Century church in Rome, that was built on top of a Christian temple from the 4th Century, which was built on a pagan temple and a Roman dwelling from the second Century.  While I was reflecting, a choir of Irish teenage boys was singing as their priest said Mass. 2000 years of worship and it’s still going on.

The desire to be connected to something larger, to gather with others and to express our beliefs was, for me, moved out of the theoretical and philosophical realm and into the physical.  The evidence was all around me.

What does this have to do with work?  I’m not entirely sure, but I know that work is about more than making money to pay bills.  It’s about using talents, being creative, being part of a collective effort, having the opportunity to achieve and be recognized, being part of something you respect, making a contribution to the common good, being productive — basic human qualities that never change.

Having supervised many interns over the years, here are some common mistakes that can be avoided just by being aware:

• Don’t complain about doing “boring” work. You are learning the business from the bottom up, which means you do the lowliest tasks.  That doesn’t mean the work isn’t important and that you can’t learn from it; it means that it’s inefficient to have a more highly paid person doing the work.  For example, in public relations up-to-date media lists are critical, but keeping them current should not be the job of a seasoned PR strategist — it’s an intern job.  Sometimes its boring and tedious, but it’s a foundation of the business.
• Be a problem solver.  I once gave an intern an assignment to contact a list of people.  He returned a couple of hours later with the list and said he could only reach a few.  I asked if he called back or chose a different form of communication, such as email.  He didn’t think of that but would go ahead and do so.  It seemed obvious to me that the intern should think of all the possible ways to reach people, even going to their offices if need be.  Interns who are good problem solvers, look for alternative solutions or suggest a new approach demonstrate initiative, work ethic and common sense.
• Ask questions and take notes.  If you don’t understand an assignment, a work process, or technical terms, don’t be afraid to ask.  You look a lot dumber if you attempt something you’re unclear about.  And, maybe this is a pet peeve of mine, but take notes — no one can possibly remember everything.
• Respect the administrative staff.  I have often seen interns who think their college degree makes them superior to an administrative assistant, a member of the maintenance staff or a security guard.  Aside from the fact that no one is entitled to disrespect anyone and you have no idea what level of education another person has, it can be a bad career move.  That secretary just might work for a vice president, or you might depend on the maintenance team to set up an event for you.  If you are seen as a discourteous snob, word gets around and life can get very hard.
• Know when to speak and when to keep quiet.  High achievers have usually been rewarded in school for speaking up and offering ideas.  Interns are rewarded for that too, but you also have to develop a sense of when to back off.  I recall an intern suggesting something to a director in a large meeting.  It wasn’t that the intern’s ideas were bad, but this person had never met the intern and felt the intern was being challenging.  The director formed a negative opinion of the intern that was hard to overcome.

Interning can be a tremendous experience and lead to a permanent position.  When in doubt about an unfamiliar situation, check in with the intern supervisor and develop a rapport.

Finding an organization is as simple as googling “young professional boards in city name.”  Here are some I found in St. Louis:

• COCA (Center of Creative Arts) — http://www.cocastl.org/subpage.cfm?vSection=support&vPage=young_pros
• Jewish Federation — http://www.jewishinstlouis.org/IR/Listing.aspx?id=37372
• Urban League — http://www.ulstl.org/ul_young_professionals.aspx
• Haven House — http://nextgenerationconsulting.com/next-leaders/ypo-detail/havenhouse-st-louis-young-professionals-board-
• Missouri Botanical Garden — http://www.mobot.org/membership/youngfriends/YoungFriends.asp
• St. Louis Variety Club — http://www.blacktie-stlouis.com/premiere_events/details.cfm?id=1732

If a particular cause or charity is important to you, contact organizations directly to find out if they have a YP board; if not, offer to start one.  You’ll really make some good connections and show leadership initiative.

DO NOT BE FOOLED. Your wardrobe choice is even more critical — and difficult — when your employer invokes Casual Fridays during the summer.  Women, especially, are in the danger zone because their clothing options are more varied and skin-baring than their male counterparts.

“Business casual” is challenging enough — does it mean khakis or “dress” jeans?  Or does it mean you don’t have to wear a suit, but your attire should be just one notch less formal?  Check your employee handbook for guidance.  If it’s not clear, ask your supervisor what he or she considers appropriate.  Observe what others, especially people in management, wear and follow suit. Always choose the conservative option because you can never go wrong by calling less attention to yourself through your wardrobe.

Casual Fridays are often seen as an opportunity to express your personality through your clothes.  That’s fine, but remember you may be expressing too much personality when your tramp stamp shows, your graphic tee shirt is too graphic, or clothes look like you slept in them.  And ladies, I know that TV, movies and fashion magazines show cleavage and mini skirts in the workplace, but it’s not reality. You want people to talk about your skills, not your skin.

I’m a fan of business casual, but I’ve also observed that the lack of a business uniform can be confusing at best and career damaging at worst.  When in doubt, boring wardrobe choices will allow you to be noticed for the right reasons.

What: Meet Coach Kerry Lyman

When: Tuesday, June 15, between 6 and 8 p.m.

Where: Wired Coffee, 3860 S. Lindbergh Blvd., 63127

Why: Learn about the benefits of coaching, see if it’s a good fit for you, get to know Kerry, enjoy amazing gelato.

Who are you? Spend time developing a brief introductory statement about yourself to respond to the question, “What do you do?” For example, “I’m a recent business school graduate of State University and I’m looking for a position in operations with a manufacturing company.” That may trigger follow-up questions such as, “Do you have specific companies in mind?”, “What type of manufacturing interests you?”  Anticipate the questions and prepare your answers because the more detailed and specific you can be, the more likely you are to get solid referrals.

Have a plan. Are you targeting certain companies or organizations in your job search?  Or maybe you are interested in a particular industry or profession.  Use a networking event to seek out attendees who work for those companies or industries.  Do advance research so you can discuss issues pertaining to the company (“I recently noticed that Acme is launching a new business line.”) or the field (“What do you think about the new technology in the widget industry?”).  You’ll look informed and your questions can lead to a longer, more meaningful conversation.

What do you need from me? I was surprised the first time someone at a networking event asked me this.  Be ready with an answer, such as “I would like to do an informational interview with the person in your company in charge of that area and would appreciate a referral from you.”  Or, “I would be grateful if I could send my resume to you to critique.” Or, “I’m interested in a job posted on your agency’s website and I wonder if you know anything about it or could refer me to someone who does?”

Overcoming Shyness. If you are easily intimidated by new situations and people, bring a friend.  But remember not to spend all your time chatting with your buddy.  Circulate and make it a point to meet new people.  Check out “12 Tips for Shy People” to learn more.

A two-way street. Networking is about having a value exchange with someone, but if you don’t have a lot of contacts you may feel you have little to offer.  Don’t underestimate your past experience and contacts:  you know people who might be perfect for a job opening that doesn’t suit you; you may have business contacts from other jobs that could be helpful; you may be able to volunteer for an organization; you may have a great idea to offer. Think creatively.

Business cards. Business cards are how we remember people.  Even if you don’t have a job, get cards printed with your name, the type of job you are seeking, and your contact information, including a link to your resume.  Adding a photo to your card boosts name recognition.  Ask the people you meet for their card and, if appropriate, follow up with a brief email and your resume.

Networking opportunities include:

• Professional Associations – Just about every profession has an organization that provides continuing education and networking opportunities for members and non-members.  Most offer students and new grads discounted membership fees or reduced costs for meetings.  Online research can tell you about the associations in your community, how to join, their monthly calendars, etc.  Start attending meetings in order to meet people who work in your field, who know the hiring landscape, and who may be in a position to hire you themselves.

• Networking Organizations – Many networking organizations have free events and meetings to attract potential members.  Some have specific formats, such as presenting a three-minute overview of yourself to the group, and other meetings are social.  Research networking in your area, grab a friend and check out their offerings.  People are there to make business contacts, so use the opportunity to connect with people who work for companies and organizations you are targeting. An upcoming St. Louis event is The Big Bash, taking place July 15 at the Cabanne House in Forest Park. Sponsored by 11 organizations and hosted by the St. Louis Ambassadors, the event attracts 500 professionals in a relaxed atmosphere — a great way to dip your toe into networking.

• Linked In – If you don’t have a profile on Linked In, create one.  The information from your profile, such as the college you attended or past places of employment, will allow Linked In to suggest other people you may want to connect with.  You can also join Linked In groups, such as your college alumni group, a local networking group, or a group formed by members of your profession.  You can find out about job openings, upcoming seminars and networking events.

• Nonprofit Organizations – Volunteering with a charitable organization can be a great way to develop contacts and showcase your talents.  Nonprofit board and committee members are often well connected in the local community and volunteering offers you access you wouldn’t normally have. You get the opportunity to work directly with them and impress them with your skills.  Your volunteer service can also serve as a resume-builder that can distinguish you from other job seekers.  And don’t forget that you are supporting a worthy cause and giving back.

If you are intimidated by networking, remember three things:

• Everyone you meet was in your shoes at one time.
• People want to help and will often go out of their way to do so.  It’s your job to get out there and make the connections so you find the support you need.
• Networking gets easier over time because you will get to know members of organizations and you’ll get more comfortable interacting with strangers.